Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 In Review - for better or worse

Wow, I just cant believe its actually the last day of 2014 today!  It has been a game changing year for sure not only for me personally but also for the United States and the World at large.

For myself, if you read this blog, you know that In April I made the decision to have bariatric surgery (gastric sleeve) and on September 2nd, I actually went through with it and as of today, December 31st, 2014 I am down 65 lbs total from my pre surgery weight of 348 lbs!

In December, actually about a week ago, Xmas Eve, I got a huge diamond engagement ring from my long time (14 years) boyfriend, which made me very happy!

In the world, early on in 2014, we had to deal with these assholes Isis hacking off peoples heads.  I dont know about you but there is nothing there but sand and people that live in sand, why would anyone that isnt a soldier want to even be there?

There was the Malaysia airliner that went down somewhere in or near the indian ocean, never to be found again and another one later in the year that was shot down over the Ukraine.  I would stay off that airlines for sure.

We had huge mudslides in washington state that killed 40 people, what a way to go right?  Oh and how can we forget the Ebola scare in the US?  Unfortunately its still raging over in africa but didn't come anywhere near what a lot of people thought would happen on US soil.

We had Robin Williams suicide, NFL Players beating their wives and children, Bill Cosby rape allegations.  The deaths of Michael Brown and Eric Garner that lead to people rioting (protesting?) in the streets and even worse, the execution of several police officers.

On a better note, we also had more states open their minds and hearts to gay marriage and a few more that legalized marijuana.

We had the GOP take over the senate, the economy start to get better and I read yesterday that the gas prices are at the lowest price ($58.00 a barrel) since 2009 (i'm thinking the gas prices should be lower then, maybe under $2.00 a gallon)

And to end the year right, Sony pictures gets slammed by Lil Kim for a comedic movie about trying to assassinate him.  What a little bitch he is!  I guess he still doesn't realize that his whining made that stupid movie a smash hit because NOW everyone wants to see it!

All that come this way, Have a Happy, Healthy and Safe New Year!

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays to any and all that come here to read.

I look back on this year as one of a lot of change.  It started off slow, a lot of snow and bad weather.

In April, with the coaxing of a couple of friends, I finally made the appointment with a surgeon to get the bariatric sleeve surgery that I desperately needed if I ever wanted to live till I was 50!

In May, I could barely walk or bend over or breathe for that matter.  I was still not totally convinced about even having the operation.  It was a major change and expense even with my insurance.

By mid year, June, I was probably at the heaviest I had ever been, 350 lbs.  My diabetes and overall health suffered greatly.  I was diagnosed with sleep apnea now too.  I was taking 200 units of insulin a day and my blood sugar was still not under control.  The gardening that I loved so much, I just could not do.  The puppy I loved so much, I just could not play with.

By the middle of June, I decided I would just go with the flow, make the doctors appointments, pay my co-pays and see if that lead me to the surgery.  My pre surgery appointment was June 30th the surgery was scheduled for July 16th.

The day before surgery it was called off because of the Pulmonologist insisted I go on a CPAP machine before the operation.  I was going to give up, but I decided I would just do what I had to do to get the end result.

My surgery was re-scheduled for Sept 2nd.  And this time, I was present and accounted for.  I even brought my CPAP machine (which they never bothered to put on me or make me use while I was there, guess it wasn't so detrimental after all!).

My recovery into September was hard, I'm not going to lie.  They kept me in the hospital for 2 days because the anesthesia just wreaked havoc on me and lets face it, it was a major operation, removing 90% of your stomach.  It was hard and uncomfortable to walk, but walk was what I had to do.  I was out of it for at least 4 days.

I started to get better, I followed the Surgeons orders, and started to loose weight for the 1st time in years, I was actually able to lose weight.   Not only that, my insulin intake went from 200 units a day to 60 units a day.  Pre-surgery my A1c was 10.6, today, its 6.6!

So Today it is 3 months and 22 days since I had this gastric sleeve surgery and I am down 63lbs.  I still have at least another 100lbs to go but just being down this first 63 lbs, I feel like I can do anything.  I feel great, I am starting to look better and I go for walks now, and I can sleep on my back now!  (yes I got rid of that stupid CPAP machine that I never used!)  I cant wait till the spring I have so much I want to do in my yard and now I CAN!

As I look back on this year of change, I can honestly say that I am truly happy with the decisions that I have made for myself.  I have also learned that sometimes the decisions are hard but the rewards are great and the sacrifice doesn't really matter.

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas Everyone !!

Friday, November 7, 2014

Prelude to Thanksgiving

Well its been a while since I last posted something here.  Life has been full and hectic lately.  My weight loss continues to go down quickly.  As of this post I have lost 52 pounds.  Its been 2 months and 5 days since my surgery.

It is still funny to me how much I can not eat and the smallest amount of food fills me up, no matter what it is.  A piece of cheese, one chicken finger, half a bag of oatmeal.  It is just incredible and a constant struggle in my head to try to get used to these extremely small amounts of food.

The difference now is that its very VERY uncomfortable to overeat.  It feels almost as if I'm on the verge of throwing up, with alot of indigestion and somewhat pain in the stomach.  Its not a fun feeling at all.  I have done it twice now and, ugh, I could punch myself for doing it.

With the holidays coming up, I used to be so into cooking and baking.  This year, not so much.  Its not that I don't like the holidays, Its just that since I can't eat like I used to, well, I just don't really care so much about it.

Sure I will make thanksgiving Dinner.  I figure since its just the Hubby, Daughter and myself, Ill split the turkey in two, after its cooked and freeze half of it for another time.  Im not going to make all the trimmings this year, maybe some mashed potatoes, stuffing and corn, some pillsbury biscuits for the Family.  As for me, Ill stick to bird only and a mini cheese cake bite for dessert!

To all of you that read this silly blog and all of your families, I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving!

Gobble Gobble!!

Stay tuned for some recipes I have been working on High Protein and delish!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Learning Curve

Five weeks today since my surgery and I am down 35lbs now.  I feel good, I have had a couple milestones already, like I can touch my toes again.  I am also learning (and listening) to my new insides now.

It seems that my stomach likes to talks to me now.  I have heard some very strange things going on in there lately.  Grumbling, chirping, burping are all going on almost daily.  Sometimes, my stomach is grumpy, its just like I'm not hungry so why should I eat? 

The first week after the surgery was by far one of the hardest weeks of my life.  Honestly, I was thinking, "WHAT did I do to myself?"  But as time went on, it became easier.  Now, even though I can try new foods and Im not on those strict, liquid, puree or soft food guidelines anymore, I still find it difficult to eat some things.

Some foods go down easily, scrambled eggs, cheese, yogurt, all seem to be staple foods for me now.  I eat other stuff but these are the things I cling to.  Other foods feel like sandpaper going down my throat and esophagus and lay like a lump in my stomach.  I try to stay away from those foods.  I have also found that some things I used to like, I just dont like anymore.

So I guess I am in the official bariatric learning curve now.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Quality over Quantity

This just past Tuesday began my 4th week post bariatric surgery.  The time went by quickly as did the 30lbs that I lost during that time.  But now, I have pretty much no restrictions, I mean other than the no pasta, bread, rice and sweets and soda that anyone who has ever been on a diet knows and adheres to.

My surgeon says that I should check in with my nutritionist and I have to say that is probably a great idea.  I know that no matter what I eat, I need to eat my protein first, which is fine but the ludicrously tiny amount that I can actually eat now doesn't really leave room for anything else.   It is because of that extremely small amount of food that I realized that, its not about quantity anymore, its all about quality.

Yes folks, the real estate that is in my tummy is now a prime track!  Oh yea I could eat ice cream, cheesecake, a half a donut, but that's all wasted calories and in the end, will only get me sick.  This thing that I did, this gastric sleeve is not by all means the magic pill, its just another tool to get to where I really want to be weight wise.  And being that this is just a tool, I will feed it with only the best foods out there, no more crap, fast foods, rushed meals, eating on the go.  All of that is over with, from now on, Im going to concentrate on the Quality of what goes into my tummy, NOT the Quantity!

Monday, September 22, 2014

From Semi-Liquids to Soft Foods

Tomorrow will begin my 4th week post op.  Tomorrow I will be going from liquid like nourishment to food with somewhat more consistency.  I really cant wait to eat a deviled egg or some scrambled eggs and cheese.  I do love cheese!

Beginning my 4th week out from surgery, I got on the scale today and found that I lost 2 more lbs, Yea for me!!!  My pre-surgery weight was 348, and I am happy to say that I am currently at 322 for a total of 26 lbs.

Its still not that easy to wrap my head around what I have done.  I know its all over with now but its kind of sad that that part of me, or who I was, is really no longer.  I know this may sound silly but one of the things I loved to do was cook and eat.  I realize that I'm not going to have to give up either, but maybe I can make it better or more suited to my own needs.  I don't know, it seems like all my options are still so limited.   

I'm actually surprised that there haven't been any post WLS cook books published out there.  There are a few blogs out there, one of the better ones is The World According to EggFace.  Other than all of her recipes she does have a witty sense of humor too, my kinda girl!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Surgery done, now theres no going back

My surgery date ended up being September 2nd and it was a nice way to end the summer.  I'm looking forward to being closer to a normal size by next spring/summer. So far, 2 weeks out, and I have lost a total of 25 lbs.

However, in hindsight, this was a drastic move and I have to be honest, I don't know if I would do this again.  I did overcome a few obstacles and the whole progression did go pretty smoothly but its a major operation and I don't know if I could get the balls up to do this again.  Hopefully we will never have to re-visit this. 

The Surgery went fine, they did keep me in the hospital an extra day.  Apparently I had some oxygen issues during the operation.  The funny thing is that the one Dr insisted that I get this stupid CPAP machine and use it for 3 weeks before the operation and to bring it with me to the hospital, but do they ever put it on me?  Nooooo, the first night I actually asked for it, being the good girl I am but after that, its been sitting in my closet ever since.  Heck i paid the rental till the end of November!  they can come take it back after that!

The first week after surgery is by far the hardest week I have ever been though.  Clear Liquid Diet, SUCKS!  Broth, sugar free jello and pop-cycles and that's about it.  Luckily I never got sick, threw up or got really bad heartburn, which is a blessing.

The second week, Full Liquid Diet.  This week was a little and I mean little less sucky.  Full liquid consists of cream soups, strained, blended yogurts and basically anything that you can stomach from the week before.

I am currently in my third week, Pureed Foods.  Now I did get some baby food but I got the good stuff, custard and bananas, mixed berries and oatmeal.  I tried the meats and they are disgusting, seriously, I know why babies spit that shit out!  Pureed foods can be interesting, they include whipped cottage cheese, soft cheeses, ricotta cheese, hummus, any kind of meat, pureed of course, melted cheese, creamed soups.

Next week, onto SOFT FOODS!!!  yeah!

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Waiting, waiting, waiting

So I was all geared up for my surgery on july 16th, but as I thought, one of the required clearances drs would not clear me.  At the very last moment he calls and tells me he cant clear me because I have sleep apnea and it could cause complications with the surgery.   That was last monday night.  Tonight, Saturday july 19th I am going for an overnight sleep study and getting sycronised for a cpap unit.  Oh what fun.  But im at the point were I will do ANYTHING to get through this and have the surgery.   So for now......Good night and good luck!

Monday, July 14, 2014

Inside the Little Fat Girl - part 1

As I inch closer to my Surgery date (7/16) and pick off the next doctor, procedure or obstacle  that I must endure or deal with, I have started meeting more people who have had this or similar procedure and feel that its the best thing they ever did.  I hope to feel that way too someday.  But I cant help feeling sad for the little fat girl that I will inevitably leave behind. 

There are so many things that I want to do in my life and up to and including right now I just cant do them because of this weight I carry around with me.  For as far back as I can remember I have always been overweight.  Outside of the mean kids who would pick on me, I felt that I had to act or be different just to be accepted.  Lets face it, no one wants to be different, but sometimes it just works out like that.  

Throughout my life I have tried numerous diets, and have done great on some, and not so great on others.  Ive always fell back into my bad eating habits.  Although I do love ice cream and cake, my bad habits run more in the way of, I just eat too much.  So I really have to wrap my head around the fact that once I get this surgery done, I will only be able to eat 4 oz (1/2c) 5 times daily. 
As I sit here today waiting to be called in for the endoscopy, I have some fears.  Doctors in their infinite wisdom, try to scare you into doing the right thing.  I'm not so sure that's what they should do.  Inevitably people will do what they will do until it comes time for them to do something about it.
So I sit here and wait, starving, can't even drink water and think about what life will be like on July 17th and the rest of my life.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Bucket list.....not so much

So I started this week with high hopes of my food bucket list.  As it turns out, so far nothing is as great as I thought it would be.  I wanted Thai food, had it for lunch last Friday and it just wasn't good, it was all sticky and sat like a lump in my stomach for hours.  Then Saturday, I had Chinese buffet, and it was a really good place, but all it did was give me a stomach ache. 

I guess that part of making this decision, to have this procedure done, is knowing that "food" isn't what makes me happy really.  Maybe I have been looking at eating and dieting the wrong way for many years.  Oh sure I would eat for comfort whether I was happy, sad, excited, angry, for whatever reason have you, I would find something to eat.  Its that attitude that got me to where I am now.

On Sunday I went back to eating like I should at this stage of the game.  One or two protein shakes a day, and a normal meal.  

I also tried taste testing the clear protein drinks I'm going to have to drink immediately after the surgery.  That Isopure drinks are not THAT bad.  They do have a funny aftertaste but all I can say is I will dilute it in water if I turn out that diverse to them. 

So come Thursday, I will have a Doctors Appointment every day till the end of the month.  After that, its all quite until the Surgery.  Which is 29 days from today. 

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Not MORE Doctors!!!!

In order to be approved for the bariatric surgery, my insurance requires a person to jump through many hoops and put out buku bucks for copay's BEFORE they consider the surgery.  Pretty dumb on their part since it alleviates a lot of other medical problems that come with being overweight.  

So far I have been to a Gastroenterologist, psychologist,  and yesterday I went to my 1st of 2 nutritional visits.  I have appointments for a cardiologist, pulmonologist, and an endoscopy at the end of the month.  Then my pre-op appointment with the surgeon on the 27th. 

Sometimes I think that they just make you do all of these appointments to see if you are really ready for this life altering operation.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Food Bucket List

I was thinking today about all the foods I will be giving up after the surgery.  Im sure it wont be forever, but in my head it will be for a long time.  Im ok with this idea, over eating, bingeing, and grazing is what got me to this point, so sacrificing for the time being is what I have to do. 
However, I still have 5 weeks till the surgery so I decided Im going to start a food Bucket list.   I dont think I will get through all of it but it will be interesting to say good bye to some things I may never, or for a long while, have again.  So here is my Food Bucket List, in no specific order:
1.  Chinese food buffet.
2.  Boardwalk or fair food.
3.  Hybachi or bento box
4.  BBQ all you can eat
5.  Ihop Breakfast
6.  bagel sandwich from a real bagel place, not dd's
7.  A banana split
8.  Thai food
9.  More to come, maybe.....

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

So my name is Kelly and I am 47 this month and I am morbidity obese.   I live in Morrisville, Pa with my long time companion, Thomas, who I call Tommie, and his adult daughter Shannon. 

I work for the Brothers Koretsky in Central Jersey.  I love my work, I have really cool bosses and I work with some of the best co-workers ever.  I have been with the Brothers and this company for about 8 years now.  I wont go into particulars but my office is at one of their 3 national warehouses.   My step daughter, works in the same office building as me but I rarely see her during the day.

As I stated before I am very over weight.  I have lost weight and gained weight 100's of times throughout my life but now am at the point where its starting to talk its toll on my health.  I have type 2 diabetes uncontrolled,  meaning I'm so fat so I gave it to myself.   I suffer from sever bouts of back pain and sciatica.  My knees are starting to hurt from holding up all of this weight. 

I currently take about 200 units of insulin a day, pills for cholesterol,  thyroid, kidneys.  That's when I am not in pain, there are more pills for those days.  Better living through chemistry right...well not so much.

In the past, my health benefits at work would pay for all of the specialist but would not pay for Bariatric surgery.  And lets face it, its expensive and how many of us have $25,000 to put out for this operation?  I had gotten deep in dept once before in my life and its no fun and not easy to recover from that, but I did, so I wasn't about to go back into debt a 2nd time.  Besides other than a bank account, I had a home now they could take.  Financing the operation just wasn't an option in my book.

Well, last Fall our health benefits changed, it included a lot of other stuff the other policy did not.   I was ecstatic to find out, it covered the bariatric surgery as long as you had certain "comorbilities"  (love that word, what it means is that you have other problems that can kill you!)  and jumped through 7 or more levels of hell, they would pay for the operation.

So I did my research, and on April 22nd, of this year, I made my 1st appointment with the surgeon.  

I am intending to journal my journey on this blog.  I am hoping to let people understand that people who are over weight like I am do have hope in overcoming this lifelong affliction.  I think that many people believe that because I am fat, I have been lazy and eat crap food all the time, when it couldn't be farther from the truth. 

Monday, May 12, 2014


Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.