Monday, July 14, 2014

Inside the Little Fat Girl - part 1

As I inch closer to my Surgery date (7/16) and pick off the next doctor, procedure or obstacle  that I must endure or deal with, I have started meeting more people who have had this or similar procedure and feel that its the best thing they ever did.  I hope to feel that way too someday.  But I cant help feeling sad for the little fat girl that I will inevitably leave behind. 

There are so many things that I want to do in my life and up to and including right now I just cant do them because of this weight I carry around with me.  For as far back as I can remember I have always been overweight.  Outside of the mean kids who would pick on me, I felt that I had to act or be different just to be accepted.  Lets face it, no one wants to be different, but sometimes it just works out like that.  

Throughout my life I have tried numerous diets, and have done great on some, and not so great on others.  Ive always fell back into my bad eating habits.  Although I do love ice cream and cake, my bad habits run more in the way of, I just eat too much.  So I really have to wrap my head around the fact that once I get this surgery done, I will only be able to eat 4 oz (1/2c) 5 times daily. 
As I sit here today waiting to be called in for the endoscopy, I have some fears.  Doctors in their infinite wisdom, try to scare you into doing the right thing.  I'm not so sure that's what they should do.  Inevitably people will do what they will do until it comes time for them to do something about it.
So I sit here and wait, starving, can't even drink water and think about what life will be like on July 17th and the rest of my life.