I got some news today that I wasn't expecting to hear. A friend, who I grew up with and was pretty close to for a while during my 20's, had some dramatic medical problems and is on life support. She is a few years younger than me, about my sisters age, which makes this even harder.
I had, in the past, actively searched for her via facebook and google. I have found long lost friends that way in the past, besides who doesnt use facebook these days? Isn't is like 8 out of 10 people have a facebook page? I had hoped to reconnect with her in some way over a social network as I have with so many of my childhood and young adulthood friends. I thought eventually she would turn up, but she never did, until I got the news of her condition today.
Once again I am smacked in the face with my own mortality.
I moved away from my old stomping grounds many years ago. Partially because of my own demons but also because I had to move on with my life. I knew my demons would haunt me forever if I did not separate myself from the place I loved and called home. As much as I loved, and still love the people who I grew up with and to this day consider them family no matter how near or far I am, I had to make that part of my life ancient history, and so that's what I did.
So life goes on. I live each day as it comes, work way too much, probably don't have as much fun as I should have once in awhile. Maybe just let my hair down a little on occasion. I try to do good by the people I meet, I donate to charities. I show kindness to people and animals less fortunate than me or mine. And I know eventually, I too will shrug off this mortal coil.
But the thing that always bothers me is; how will I be remembered when I am gone? Have I done enough to balance whatever bad I have done in my life? Will people remember me for what I was or from what I have become?
I do not believe in God, or heaven or hell but I do believe in the legacy that we, as humans, leave behind. I believe that the things that people remember and say about us when we are gone is what has made your life one of substance and meaning.
So when I do shrug off this mortal coil and make my peace with the universe, what is it that people will say about me?
